A new me... maybe..

Warning: Post ini mengandungi unsur-unsur keEMOan.
Dont proceed if you dont want to spoil your mood.

Mouna Mouna Mouna.. [dont ask me what is mouna]

Aku cuba buat mouna harini. Kenapa hati ni sakit sangat. Jenguk sane jenguk sini. Cuba carik kesilapan apa yg aku keep on repeating. Aku cuba salahkan orang sekeliling. Tapi kalau sesuatu tu selalu sangat happen, sape yg salah? Aku pandang diri aku. Mungkin aku kot.

Orang kata, kalau nak orang terima aku dengan ikhlas, kena jadi diri aku sendiri. So means, dont hipokrit. Tapi camne nak tau apa yg aku tampilkan tu adalah diri aku yg sebenar.

Aku yg dulu dan aku yg sekarang.. adalah sesuatu yg amat berbeza.

Dulu aku seorang yg teramatlah pendiam. Orang selalu tanye, "Dalam mulut tu ade emas ke?". Dalam famili pun aku selalu jauhkan diri dan rela duduk dalam bilik berdiam diri. Kawan aku adalah diari aku. Aku selalu pendam sesuatu. Kalau aku sakit hati, aku hanya nangis dalam gelap sambil bukak kaset lagu westlife. Nangis dan aku amatlah sinonim. Instead now pun aku masih suka menangis. Aku happy dengan care aku yg camtu. Tapi bila aku rase dengan care aku tu aku susah nak dapat kawan. Sape je nak kawan dgn aku? So, orang kate berubahlah.

So now, aku dah tak camtu lagi. Aku lebih kepada cakap cakap cakap dan bising.

Aku yg dulu tak banyak kawan. Bile tak banyak kawan, musuh pun aku takde. Tapi skang ni, kawan aku banyak dan musuh pun ade. Aku cuba salahkan orang lain kalau dorg dah tak nak kawan dgn aku. Tapi bila aku cuba pikirkan balik, perkara ni sentisa terjadi. Takkan lah orang lain yg bermasalah. Aku pun mula pandang diri aku sendiri dan aku sedar. Mungkin masalahnye adalah diri aku sendiri.

Apekah aku patut berubah?

Ataupun stay?

Ataupun pergi kepada yg lame?

p.s: I think I will change..

Jom kiter serbu!!

sekali lagi, planning gempak dari angah yg mengambil mase seminggu ni plan. Mule2 planning mmg kalu leh nk angkut yg lain tu. So aku pun mule la mesej dorg sumer..

paez - busy sokmo ngn assignment yg kena submit isnin
wayie - balik JB sambut ramadhan
kaboom - ade buka puase ngn boss n client
syanap - mmg niat aku nk msj sbb rase cam dia ade kt sini jek tp sbb ketiga2 yg atas yg aku rase dekat tu pun xde mase, so aku expect syanap pun xpat nk join..

tak kire sape yg akan ikut, tp awal2 lg mmg dh plan nk angkut apip sbb janji ngn dia nk bawak jalan2 time cuti skola ni.. hehe

jam menunjukkan kul 10.30 pagi..

apip: Ija, bangunnn!! dah kul 12!!

me: huh!! [dengan mate terbeliak tgk jam henfon]

apip: ahhahaha.. bangun ar!!

me: siot ar ko.. kul 10 lebih kot!!

so, tengahari ahad tu, aku gerak dari kajang.. plan nk gerak kul 12 tp kul 1 baru betul2 gerak.. delay flight sejam!!

.: pit stop kitorg.. senang jek, ape2 jumpe depan masjid :.

.: angah jadik driver kali ni.. nak pi serbu umah sepot.. surprissee!! :.

angah drop kitorg awal 5 umah dari umah sepot.
Then, kononnye dia datang sorg2 la tu kan. Skali nampak ayah sepot kt luar.

Ayah sepot: jemput la masukkk!!

alamak pakcikk ni.. kami nk surprise la, ahahhaha.. aku pun cangkung la kt jiran sebelah umah [cam diri ni tinggi sgt je nk cangkung2 kan]

Ayah sepot: oh nk surprise ye..

me: :D

pastu kitorg terjahhhh!! booo-chakkk!!

sepot: arghhhhhhh!! aku dh agakkk dahhh!!

terkejut i nyahh u jerit2 kuat camtu.. ahahha.. pangggg!! pastu kitorg borak2 punye borak sampai bilik sepot pun kitorg masuk tapi apip n aman kt bawah je la, nasib korg la nyahh! ahahaha

.: first time kot pakai menda ala ni, agak sesak napas gak ar :.

ni kt dalam bilik sepot ni.. dh cam kt dalam bilik bedah.. ahahha..
time ni mak sepot nk salin tempat luka sepot tu..

.: bear dari kitorg tuk sepot,
luper nk tinggalkan bau kentot kt bear tu.. ahahah :.

mak sepot: huh ni laki dia, skang dia dh ade bini..

haha dengan tibe2 mak sepot kuarkan bear besar coklat tu.. ahhahhahah.. sepott!! mak ko sungguh kiutt la!!

pastu kitorg pun chow dari umah sepot tuk ready2 nk buka dah ni.. walaupun mak sepot ajak berbuka kt umah tapi kami sungguh segan.. wahh nyahh sungguh u!! ahahhaha.. sorry ye sepot, ko sepatutnye merayu menanggis tergolek2 kt lantai suh kitorg stay tuk buka, mayb kitorg akan consider.. ahahhaha.. kitorg plan nk culik sepot skali tapi tak dapat kebenaran parent dia.. hurm..

.: we at Restoren Tomyam Klasik :.

.: before berbuka :.

.: after berbuka.. blurppppp!! sedappp nyahhh!! :.

then lepastu dorg gi solat maghrib.. aku? aku kan cuti! aku blom start puase pun beb! ahahahha

apip: Ija! tadi mase semayang aku jumpe sedara ko!

me: erkk.. sapekah?

apip: sape tuh name dia~~

me: anak maklong ke?

apip: bukan la! khalid ek?

me: eh, anak cik ina?

oh dunia ni sungguh kecik, bley lak jumpe sedara makan kt restoren yg same..

.: pemandu pelancong ini name dia cik siti aishah,

sape2 nk lawat melaka leh carik dia ok? ahahha :.

.: kt belakang grup yg tengah bayar tu la grup dak khalid tu,
aku ngn apip dok pandang2, budak baju merah kotak2 dh perasan dah
seb baek si khalid akhirnye perasan kitorg kt situ.. ahaha :.

oh btw angah! sorry ye bukan sengaja letak gambar ni tapi gambar ni je kot yg tibe2 leh ade gambar sedara aku kt belakang tu.. ahahha.. gambar ni ko sopan skit nyahh! dan korg sungguh sweett!! feewiiitttttttt!!

lalalalallaaaaaa!! larikkssssssssssss!!

.: lepak sejenak kt Dataran Ayer Keroh..
jam tepat kul 9 malam tuuuu!! :.

Lepastu last stop kitorg pun same la cam biase kt masjid.. time2 orang yg solat terawih 8 rakaat balik la kitorg pun menepek kt sane.. punye lame nk say bye2, cam berat jek nk pisah ni nape?? ahahha.. panggggg!! wuuuu!! sedihhhh... pastu angah kasik bungkusan kek.. wah terharuuu i nyahhh!!

.: kek masam manis.. seriusly mmg sedap..
thanks ye angah! lap u nyahhh!! :.

Possibility of getting Amnesia..

Kajian membuktikan bahawa, jika seseorang itu hanya mempunyai satu kelas sahaja dalam seminggu, dia akan cenderung untuk menghidapi penyakit amnesia..

[angin sepoi-sepoi bahase pada waktu petang hari]

~~~~~~ (henset ade somebody call)

me: .....

somebody: hello..

me: ye heylooo..

somebody: Fiza ke?

me: er...

somebody: ni Fiza ke?

me: tu sape?

somebody: ni wan, suami kak nurul..

me: oohh, ok..

somebody: nak pulang kunci ni..

me: kate nk pulang hari rabu..[dengan nada yakinnye]

somebody: abistu ni hari ape?

me: selase... [yakiness terserlah]
[tibe2 terpikir malam tadi aku tgk citer kala hati]

somebody: selase?

me: eer...

somebody: rabu la..

p.s: terase sunyi dan kawan sumer busy bekerja..
I guess I need one Ivan for myself
Initiative done to prevent from Amnesia
by having the nice calendar
nice huh?

Who's english is un-acceptable??

One damn nite.. sedang-sedang aku tension dengan my little problem..

ade orang YM aku.. aku tak tau mane dia dpt YM id aku, tapi dia merayu tuk aku accept dia.. so aku layankan jela.. btw, dia bukan orang melesia kite ok.. dia orang ntah mane2 aku tak tau asal usul..

tapi yg aku pasti..ape yg aku taip, aku tak rase dia paham.. dan aku lagi la tak paham ayat dia.. apekahh??!! camno tu nyah??!

p/s: so, who's english is un-acceptable?

Urgent!! Need an advice..

harap yg bace ni leh kasik aku advice sbb aku sangat blur dan takut aku buat kesilapan dalam pemilihan aku..

tuk master aku ni, aku tinggal just 2 subjek je tuk amik..

sem ni aku amik AI dan subjek wajib RM..

subjek RM ni adelah kelas dorg ajar care wat thesis..
ade sorg senior ni ckp, sape2 yg xde tajuk thesis lagi, dun worry sbb dalam kelas ni nnt akan ade lecturer2 yg offer title thesis kt kite yg xde tajuk lg..

well, obviously aku mmg xde tajuk lg dan aku rase lega bile senior ckp camtu..

biler masuk je kelas RM sem ni..
lecturer tu kate "kelas ni tuk phd~ so sape2 master student, harap korg drop kelas ni.."

so kitorg batch master, jumpe ketua penyelaras pelajar.. tanye pasal perkara ni.. dia kate mmg sem biase ni tuk phd.. sem pendek bulan 5 tu tuk budak master..
well, screw them coz never let us know this!!

pastu dia kate amik mase sem pendek ni.. dan terang2 dia kate sem pendek bulan nov ni akan ditawarkan kelas RM ni.. dorg bitau kitorg kelas sem ni xyah amik, so kitorg amik mase sem pendek bulan nov ni.. so masalah cam nk settle.. tibe2 next week nye, dorg tampal notis list sumer name budak2 master kelas RM dan dorg suh drop kelas tu dan amik mase sem pendek bulan 5..

so, aku sekali lg serang dorg.. dorg dengan muke xsalah..
kate nov?? ni may plak?? korg ni babis kepe? [ni aku ngamuk dlm hati jek]

kesimpulannye..

1. aku teramat damn confius... nk teruskan or extend??

2. kelas RM yg bertaraf phd ni mmg susah tahap taik babiss..
dalam kelas aku blur xtau ape yg prof tu bebel.. assignment kena antar selase ni, aku belek2 nota, aku tak paham sepatah pun dlm note tu.. well, aku just miss kelas dia sekali jek tp aku rase cam aku tak gi kelas dia sepanjang semester lak.. aku dh tgk slide budak2 kelas RM tuk master.. sgt lain dgn slide tuk phd ni [sah2 mmg la lain]

3. aku masih takde tajuk tuk thesis.. kelas RM taraf phd ni xkan ade lecturer dtg kelas tuk offer tajuk thesis kt student yg xde tajuk.. sbb kelas tu dikatakan hanya tuk phd student dan master full research.. well, dorg obviously dh ade tajuk.. paham??

4. kalu aku drop RM sem ni.. sem depan aku takde kelas langsung which cam wasted jek.. dan aku xleh daftar thesis sbb kelas RM aku xamik lagi.. tapi aku tanye penyelaras pelajar, dorg kate boleh buat thesis baru amik kelas RM tapi thesis tu buat secara informall..[aku xberapa paham part ni]

well, ape aku patut pilih??

1. kalu aku amik jek RM sem ni.. aku akan abis master dlm 2 taun.. tp masalahnye, aku takde tajuk tuk thesis which aku xtau samaada boleh ke student yg xde tajuk masuk kelas RM sem ni?? Even aku dh ready mentally dan physically, tapi masuk kelas RM jek aku nk nangis sbb aku rase cam nk pukul2 prof yg berckp kt depan tu..

2. kalu aku drop dan amik sem pendk bulan 5.. aku akan abis master 2 tahun setengah.. which terase cam terlalu bodoh dan lame tuk abis maser.. kan??

-----------------------------------------------------------

lirik lagu paez tujukan ke aku..
well, aku terharu ni.. haha

moga kau tenang
moga kau riang
ditiap jalan
ditiap ruang

moga hatimu tidak keliru
dalam memburu impianmu
moga kau tahu yang mana satu
untuk kau sentuh dan kau tuju

c/o
jalan kau pilih moga yang terbaik
jalan yang bakal memberimu bahagia
jalan yang tidakkan mengundang derita

Oh kiddy..

"malam tadi mak mimpi mase ko kecik2, time umur 2-3 tahun gitu"

"erm.." [try being concern]

"perasan mak, ade apip jugak. Dia pun kecik juga"

"eh ape kes kitorg sebaya? haha"

"hah tula. Pastu ko datang kt mak, tunjuk tangan ko ade kudis2"

"ngeeee...maybe sebab ni kot mak.."
[try to remind Mak tentang lenganku yg berkudis sejak mandi di Sg Gabai]

"mak geram ko la.. comel~ tembam lak tu, terase nak peluk2"

then Mak terdiam, dia cam sayu.. I was wonder, the kid in her dream is me.. She is me!! She's not dead yet to be sad for.. hehe

.: she is whom Mak rindu :.

----- title of story: " This is the only thing I remembered " -----

That morning, I've been waken.. The weather was so cold which tell me that I am not ready to wake up this soon. Then, I close my eyes again and makes the dream come into me. For the second times, I open my eyes and I already being dress, and the miracle part is.. I have my shower done.

Abah hold my hand and we walked the path together. The journey was too long. I had no idea where are we heading to. I cant talk properly, so obviously I can't ask Abah to turn back home. All I can see is just a greeny scene. And we walked through a walkover where there was a railway below it. Its like Abah sending me to the Beast like in the "Beauty and the Beast" fairytale story. Then, Abah looked at me and smiled. A very suspicious kind of look. I turn left and right to remember the path in case I being left alone in somewhere nearer. On my left side, there was a horror-death-tomb-kind of place with so many stone around it.

Then we stopped at the nearer somehow like a house or I might called it now as a Kindergarten. We queue at the front door. Just near to me there was a big-scary-kind-of-friendly doggie. I shake my Abah's hand which 24/7 holding me. Abah looked at me and I showed him the doing-nothing-act-like-cute doggie. Abah push me to the other side. After a while, we finally inside the kindergarten and I sit alone at this yellow-small-cute chair while looked at my Abah in case he run away. Abah was trying to registered me into this kind-of-scary-place and he spoke with the one of the specky-blonde-with-nice-smile teacher.

"She dont like to talk. She's very quiet. Please make her talk."

"Ok. Dont worry that..", the teacher looked at me with a smile.

I don't remember when Abah left. I guess the teacher was really good in making me busy without even notice that Abah already gone. I looked left and right. They all looked so weirdo. Jumping there and jumping here. Screaming out and screaming in. They all looked so enjoying. But not for me. Its a very uncomfortable environment for me. I don't like noise. I don't like people. I am myself in my own world and my own adventure searching for something I love.

I don't know how to talked but thankfully I manage to understand them. But the miracle part is.. no matter what language they spoken, I do understand it.

"Fiza~", the specky-blonde-with-nice-smile teacher calling my name. And I looked at her as she sit beside me in a very friendly way. We make one group of 5 people. I don't move but they come to me.

"Do you want to make a penguin by using this toiler-paper-roll?", she asked me while showing the paper-toiler-roll to me. I guess no matter what she showing me, I don't give it a damn. I wish I could asked her, "What the hell is that roll?", "What is a penguin?", "Why am I doing here??", but I just can't. And she showed me the complete penguin-toilet-paper-roll. I looked at her with a how-difficult-to-do-the-penguin-with-paper-toilet-roll face and hopefully she understand me.

"Nevermind. I show you first.", she do the cut, glued and colour it as I watched her with a fully concentration and interested.

"Tadaaaa~ Its for you.", she handed me the straight-body-cut penguin and I smiled.

I kept the penguin in my drawer. Each of the student been given a drawer where we keep our belonging and whatever art we done, we stored it there. Well, we cannot bring it home until the end of the year.

The next day, I learned to draw with a watercolour. I love drawing. We been given a drawing board and a drawing apron. I drew a double-storey house with a nice blue car in front it, an apple tree beside it and a happy stick-people family with a cloud above and a bunch of bird flying around. I smiled and happy with my drawing. I can't wait to bring it home to showed to Abah and Mak. Suddenly, there were this one cunning-black-hair little girl come to me.

"I want this drawing..", obviously she pointed it to my drawing. I looked at her with a this-is-my-drawing face and she went away.

I do feel insecure of my own drawing. So, as far as I remembered, I wrote my name behind the drawing. But now I am curious whether during that time can I even spell my own name?

During the break time, we been given two damn-delicious-nice biscuits and a glass of milk. I don't drink milk. I means, Mak always give me a chocolate-color drink and for me, the white drink doesn't have any taste. So, during the break time, I just took the biscuits and left the milk. And one fine day, Falik realize about my dont-drink-milk behaviour. And he who's sat in front of me at the dining table, come across the table to sit beside me.

"Kau tak minum susu ni ek?", he asked me.

I shook my head.

"Kalau camtu, aku minum hari-hari boleh?", he asked me with a hope.

I nodded and finished off my biscuits before he asked about it.

I don't know how I went through for the whole year at the Kindergarten but its end of the year already. All the student just sit and played while waiting for their parent to take them off. I sit in a corner while watching all student and their parent past by. I waited for mine patiently. I just can't wait to show Mak and Abah all of my creative creation.

Then, I saw the cunning-black-hair little girl which asking for my drawing. Her parent was there to take her home. She make a satisfied-girly smiled at me. As I studied her satisfied-girly-smile-kind of behaviour, I saw my drawing in her hand. I know very well it is my drawing. I make a shock face to her and now she makes more of her satisfied-bitch-killing smile to me and she went home. I just stood still without even dare to move to get back my precious.

After a long wait, Abah come to pick me home. I went to my drawer and took all my stuff. And obviously, I lost my precious drawing. We heading home and Mak greet me as she never seen me before. She looked happy, maybe because I bought so many my-own-art creation home but she never know that I lost one. I tried to explain to them.

"There's a girl in school.. she stole my drawing.. I know she want my drawing crazily.. but i just couldn't get the picture because she had her father with her, while I am all alone by myself.. bla bla bla bla..", I explain to Abah and Mak but they don't understand me because I spoke my own language.

p/s: I want my precious back!!

.: from left - Falik, me and wanie :.

.: A family without the last.. a red polka-dot? nice huh? :.

Happy Kawan-ship 2009

True Friend

We sign our cards and letters BFF
You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're looking out for me, you've got my back
It's so good to have you around
You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cuz you keep my feet on the ground

You're a true friend
You're here ‘till the end
You pull me aside when somethin' ain’t right
Talk with me now and into the night
‘Till it's alright again
You're a true friend

You don't get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you're never out of second chances
You don't say "I told you", when I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky that I found

A true friend you're here till the end
You pull me aside when somethin' ain’t right
Talk with me now and into the night
‘Till it's alright again

True friends will go to the end of the earth
Till they find the things you need
Friends hang on to the ups and the downs
Cuz they got someone to believe in

A day at Gabai

Here we come
Gabai oh Gabai!!

- cerita ketika mendaki -

Mas: weh! beg aku tertinggal kt keta..

Athy: nah amik! [sambil hulur kunci keta]

Mas: takpela weh~ naik dlu, nnt turun balik amik henbeg

Me: ok gak~ aku nk ikut, pastu nk beli eskem..

.
.

[pendakian bermula]

.
.

Mas: weh korang~~!! tinggi lagi ke??

Me: ye la~ aku rase baik ko gi amik dlu beg ko~

Mas: lupakan beg tu.. tak kosa aku nak turun balik..

[berehat sebentar]

Niza: larat tak?? nak kt sini?

[sambil masing2 tgk badak2 yg sedang bersuka ria]

Me: hurm..

Mas: weh! mak aku pun leh sampai atas..

Me: heh! ape ni?? malu la camtu..

Niza: wah malu ar!

[laju terus kitorg mendaki]



.
.
.
.

Niza: nak naik atas lagi ke??

Me: Ye~ [angguk2 sambil amik gambar]

.
.
.

Niza: huh dh paling atas ni.. carik tempat jom..

Me: tunggu dorg jap.. [hidung dah kembang kempis]

Athy: heh heh heh~ [napas tercungap-cungap]

Mai: sampai dah??

Me: tangga dah xde lagi.. mane mas??

[sumer pandang ke arah tangga
harap maklum kelibat mas tak kelihatan]

Mai: dia benti2 tadi..

Me: huh! lemah stamina [xsedar diri pun tercungap]

Niza: carik tempat jom!

.
.

[setelah dapat port depan air terjun..
tikar dah dibentang..]

.
.

Athy: lapar la weh~

Me: err~ makanan Mas yg bawak..

[penungguan yg penuh kesabaran..
sambil kitorg perhati orang yg mandi2 depan kitorg..]

.
.
.

setengah jam kemudian [over-exaggerate]
Mas dah pun sampai kat destinasi..
sambil tercarik2 mane kitorg..

Mai: mas!!

Me: Bedah oiii!!

- tamat citer -

Niza - Juara Mendaki
Me - 2nd runner
Athy n Mai - Draw
Mas - setengah jam kemudian

Birthday Athy di sambut kt mekD

1 August 2009
Birthday seorang wanita namenye
Athyra Abu Bakar
[wah name penuh nyah,wanita??]

Bufday kek jadik rusak gara2 kalut sbb athy datang..haha

Well, aku nak wish ko having a great life ahead. Semuga ko akan kurang busy dan generate more money tuk kumpul duit for kahwin. Harap ko temui jodoh sepantas yang mungkin. Aku tak kisah kalu ko nak tinggalkan aku dan join mas jadik isteri2.com [ngahahahaha]. Hopefully, friendship kite akan kekal sampai bila2. Aku happy ade kawan senget cam ko, walaupun skang ni ko dh agak menCENTERkan diri. Dan aku doakan kebahagian, kegumbiraan, kekayaan, kejayaan dan kepanjangan umuran [apekah??!!]. Muga success ya nyet!! Luv Ya!!

Kenapakah aku buat gaya kurang sopan ni hey?? ngahaha.. pangggg!!!



Mas yang sedang mengkontrol keAyuan-nye.. bluekkk!!



Tinie yang sangap lapar, bismillah pun lupa kot dia nak bace.. ahahaha



Sarah malu-malu?? biar benar??





p/s: kite kawan ok?

I'm not 31 anymore..

"Jom gi warta"

"Jom!! Jom!! aku nak carik jeans!!"



"Apip, tolong tgkkan jeans aku ni size bape??"

"31.."

"tolong carik jeans yg corak camni size 31", said with a confident.

.
.
.
.

"yeah jumpe~!!"

then I tried the new jeans..

"what?? shit~!!"

p/s: 911~!! I need a diet routine!! immediately!!
atleast until I'm fit in a size of 29.. can meh?

must hate eating!!



must keep on moving!!